Totally confused by my subconcious

So I could have sworn that the really weird dreams didn't show up until much later in pregnancy. Either it's different just like everything else is with a second pregnancy, or my mind is just really messed up and enjoys playing little games with me. (Who doesn't feel at one time or another like slapping one of your friends because at camp he was eating all the good food with the superheros and leaving all the other kids to eat the slop that the Germans had brought over and it only consisted of different types of bread? That's normal, right?) Right. Moving on.

Later today I go see my OB for my first appointment since my six week check up after the last pregnancy. I wish I knew that I could get a lot more answers at this appointment that would allow me to feel more relaxed, but I don't think it's going to work. Here is a list of things that I would love to get done today but probably won't happen:

1. Find out how far along I really am. I never actually had a full normal period after the last pregnancy, so I can't use anything like that to date. All I know is the dates where we were actively "trying", and within that time frame I had one negative HPT. But it's also possible that I just wasn't pregnant enough yet for that test to tell me anything.

2. If I am far enough along, I would like to be able to hear a heart beat. It would go a long way to relieving me of over half of my fears. On the flip side, I don't think it would help me what-so-ever if the OB would try to find one anyways, and not be able to pick up anything. Oh sure, he would easily tell me that it's just to early, but I think I would just feel worse with that hanging over me because it was the heart that gave out in our first one.

3. A best case scenario would be that the OB would understand all my fears and concerns (which is very likely as this is the same OB that went through everything with us throughout the first pregnancy and knows what happened), and he will put a rush on my blood tests that will be done today so he can give me the good results before I leave, and then will call the ultrasound department and get me an appointment for later today just so I can see that everything is alright.

I don't ask for much, do I? Oh well. If all is well, I will post the details later today; maybe this evening some time. If nothing goes well, it might take me a few days to work up the courage to put my negative thoughts on here. We shall see.